I broke up with this guy I dated for about a year because he wasn’t thoughtful enough. He keeps on surprising me with lavish gifts, taking me to exotic places, calling all the time and just being too awesome. It’s all too much. Why is he not considering my health? I mean too many surprises can’t be any good for my heart right? So I just want to know how to avoid these douche-baggy awesome guys.
Help! I’m just looking for the plain old asshole type to date! Is that too much to ask for? -Desperate
Desperate,
Well, you are pushing it with the neediness, but I guess everyone should be able to decide what type of person they want. To find the douchiest guy possible you need to go to a tanning salon, preferably one that is by the beach. Stake out the place and look for a guy with a tank-top and an armband tattoo. That’s the guy you want.
That’s the kind of guy you deserve too, apparently,
want some cheese with that whine? lol
look for a guy with a hat tilted back, and twisted to the side, some article of clothing with the words “tapout” on it, as well as a massive truck lifted to obscene height. If the guy has to compensate his otherwise repulsive personality with that much douchebaggish finery, you know he’s a keeper!
Especially if he doesn’t look fit enough to BE in any kind of tapout!
Maybe you should hang around “high-end” dance clubs, look for the guys wearing head to toe Ed Hardy outfits, driving some luxury SUV that they can’t afford. Thats the ticket!
So basically you’re telling her to look for John Gosselin?
“I’m just looking for the plain old asshole type to date!”
I suggest you take a look at my asshole, it is both plain, and old.
ooooh snapppp!
thats the funiest thing i have ever heard. you are the man and now i envy you !!!!!
The more flipped-up Polo collars the guy is sporting, the better.
For sure, Gorilla. Check out these winners…
wow, here you are with the man of most, if not all, girls dreams. if he is putting that much time into you, you should consider how lucky you are to have a man doing that for you when there are some other girls desperately searching for someone who would treat them like that. i agree with mancotti that you only deserve some random guy with the tank-top and armband tattoo
I hate you.
Love,
Mom
I hate you too.
Love,
Dad
I hate you, too.
Love,
Grandpa
Wow!! Really?? Are you really that stupid? Every girl dreams of meeting a man like that and you want to find a plain old asshole ?
…
Rights, darling! Same reason you’re here…
Do you all really think this letter is real?
Do you all really think this is a real letter?
no but we can still be sarcastic about it… can’t we?
@oh right: You have to admit, some of the posters aren’t quite catching on.
the clueless people give us fuel.
Fuck you.
Oh no, you mean you found one of those all-too-damn-perfect guys? I’m glad I’ve never had to deal with that kind of obscene generosity. It’s too bad he lived to make you happy and not to make you look good.
Guys like that thoroughly disgust me, good thing you got rid of him… Can I get his number so I can call and bitch him out? that’s really all I want.
you just want to suck his cock
I can introduce you to a few. @@@@@
Oh dear, it’s not the guy, it’s you. You are going about things all wrong. You should try hanging out at a local dive bar, dress as a slut, drink as much as possible, kiss your girlfriends, and go home with many men. Thing MTV Spring Break! After awhile you should develop a reputation. Before you know it, you will be sitting at the bar whining that your man is an asshole! Voila! Dreams do come true, you just have to put forth some effort.
I meant “think” MTV Spring Break. Stupid typo.
You where most likely so crap in bed, that he thought if he bought you stuff. You might actualy get your act together, and not just lay there like a dead fish!!!
Does anyone really care about these problems while the world has many much more important things to worry about???
MY problems are at least 10! times more important. (And yes, it’s a super-factorial!)
Personally I care more about the fake, unimportant issues. I find them to be a much more valuable waste of my time. I enjoy laughing at the SARCASM. It is so apparent that they might as well put it in the name of their blog or something along those lines. Anyways, feel free to write in and ask for advice. I’m sure they are just as willing to help with your “more important” matters. I know there are many that would love to help.
You want my boyfriend? He’s a prick and has no emotions. I’ll trade.
Whore! lol that’s what I think of
if you can’t find an asshole at the tanning salon, make sure you check out armani…you can find plenty of rich assholes who will never care for you
Hey, so your boyfriend is the exact type of douchebaggy guy I like. Can you send him my way? K thx!
By the way, I’ll send you the ass holes I tend to meet. I’m sure you’ll love them.
WTF? Trade ya! You can have my husband. He’ll forget your birthday, anniversary, even major holidays. Pick a fight everytime you tell him what you need from him. Put out the least amount of effort in EVERYTHING. Ignore you and your childs needs to spend the majority of his free time on the computer. Never keeps promises, or Hell, responcibilities for that matter. Treat you like your nothing and put you last in every aspect of your lives. Whats your “awful, horrible, evil, douchbag” guys number and email? I would love to have those problems with my man.
And I’m sure you’re a little ray of sunshine to. Get back in the caravan and make me some pie.
GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN AND MAKE HIM SANDWICHES
Ahhh…The timeless art of being a fantastically over the top douchebag! It comes easy to alot of guys. I recommend go to you’re nearest walmart. I’m sure there are some guys for your choosing!
I actually made my boyfriend (now ex, obviously) get an armband tattoo right before I broke up with him as a kind of warning sign letting other girls know what kind of a douchebag he was. True story.
HAHAHAHA! Fucking awesome!
pretty sure you just won at life
Girls like you make it REALLY hard for nice guys to get into relationships
Thank you, I totally agree cause I’m that amazing guy that the girl thinks she doesn’t deserve and ends up breaking my heart cause of her selfishness.
Wow. I don’t understand why girls can’t just except that they have an amazing guy and embrace him. Seriously, you can tell him to stop spoiling you too much, but honestly, get over yourself. He’s in your life and you should be thankful and blessed that you have him before he gets away and someone else realizes how amazing he is.
People! SARCASM! Google it or something, geez……..
Dear Amazingly Anonymous:
Chances are, with your superb wit and spelling capabilities, you are the douchebag that every sarcastic person here has alluded to. I bet you think you’re just a fantastic boyfriend because you paid for dinner on your daddy’s credit card. And that your pink shirt and popped collar look better on you than the “assholes”. You’re just so darn sweet I want to stab you with a spoon. You’re needy, overbearing, jealous and shit in bed because you have no aggressive drive. But you’re a real catch. Would you like to get married? I have some friends in Vegas. We could go this weekend?
wow. •witty language used to convey insults or scorn; that is one of the many definitions of the word sacarsm people. if you don’t know what it means then keep leaving comments so those of us who do can make fun of you